Youth Sports

[bigdaddy334]

baldy1, I will say what you are doing now is the best way to try to handle it to start with but even then that can get old on the trainer and assistant coach. I was the assistant on the basketball staff back in the day that the parents felt like they could talk to and that fine but got old as the season went on.

The coach knowing he was wrong is a plus, a lot of coaches will not even admit that. Also a lot of times the coach will take his frustration out on the better players on the team. They expect more from them so they give them the most heat. They hope the other players will raise their game if they see the best player getting chewed on. The problem is every kid is different and sometimes the best players do not play better under that kind of abuse. If you can talk with your son and let him know that he has to let this roll off his back and not take the butt chewing to heart. Do his best and not worry about the yelling. I loved baseball but I almost walked away from it myself at one time because I was the whipping dog for the coach. I knew my parent loved me and had my back, I knew every player on the team knew the truth about how hard I played, and I knew it was not as personal as it felt at the time. It still did not make it easy but I was able to get through it. Playing for that coach also helped me as I got in the real world and working for different bosses.

Out of respect for the coach you might want to go to him first before the AD. The problem with going to the coach is that it might get less playing time for your kid. Not so much out of punishment but there is a negative thought(the complaining from parent) when the coach looks at your kid.

If the AD is worth anything you should be able to go to him and address your concerns, and he can go to the coach more as what he is seeing and not so much about what a parent is saying. The problem with a bad AD is he tells the coach you complained about him and he gets mad because you went over his head and not come to him.
Some ADs should not be ADs. They got the job because they are a good fund raising for the school and sports or because they did an above average job coaching and they know who's butt to kiss on the way up the ladder.

Another option would be other parents say something to the coach at different times. When a parent says something to you about the way the coach treats your kid you can say "well I don't want to say anything to the coach because I do not want to come across as an over protective parent. But if you think it is bad you can say something because its not your kid."
The problem with that it gets to many opinions involved and to many people talking.


In short the first thing I would make sure of, does your kid take it to heart or can he understand that it is not a personal attack. If he gets to college and plays for a coach like Saban he needs that thick skin. It is hard for parents to be able to let their kids take that abuse but if the kid can handle it then stay out of it. It will help him in the long run.
If it gets to the point where your kids is starting to hate the game because it or it moves over into he personal life then I would go to the coach with it first then the AD. With the coach I would make it a lite conversation, voice that you are worried that your son will stop wanting to play a sport that he loves due to the verbal.... abuse. I don't like the word abuse but I can not think of a better word at this time.

Hope this helps.

Good luck

[baldy1]

Dec 13, 2019 10:41:00 GMT -6 bigdaddy334 said:

baldy1, I will say what you are doing now is the best way to try to handle it to start with but even then that can get old on the trainer and assistant coach. I was the assistant on the basketball staff back in the day that the parents felt like they could talk to and that fine but got old as the season went on.

The coach knowing he was wrong is a plus, a lot of coaches will not even admit that. Also a lot of times the coach will take his frustration out on the better players on the team. They expect more from them so they give them the most heat. They hope the other players will raise their game if they see the best player getting chewed on. The problem is every kid is different and sometimes the best players do not play better under that kind of abuse. If you can talk with your son and let him know that he has to let this roll off his back and not take the butt chewing to heart. Do his best and not worry about the yelling. I loved baseball but I almost walked away from it myself at one time because I was the whipping dog for the coach. I knew my parent loved me and had my back, I knew every player on the team knew the truth about how hard I played, and I knew it was not as personal as it felt at the time. It still did not make it easy but I was able to get through it. Playing for that coach also helped me as I got in the real world and working for different bosses.

Out of respect for the coach you might want to go to him first before the AD. The problem with going to the coach is that it might get less playing time for your kid. Not so much out of punishment but there is a negative thought(the complaining from parent) when the coach looks at your kid.

If the AD is worth anything you should be able to go to him and address your concerns, and he can go to the coach more as what he is seeing and not so much about what a parent is saying. The problem with a bad AD is he tells the coach you complained about him and he gets mad because you went over his head and not come to him.
Some ADs should not be ADs. They got the job because they are a good fund raising for the school and sports or because they did an above average job coaching and they know who's butt to kiss on the way up the ladder.

Another option would be other parents say something to the coach at different times. When a parent says something to you about the way the coach treats your kid you can say "well I don't want to say anything to the coach because I do not want to come across as an over protective parent. But if you think it is bad you can say something because its not your kid."
The problem with that it gets to many opinions involved and to many people talking.


In short the first thing I would make sure of, does your kid take it to heart or can he understand that it is not a personal attack. If he gets to college and plays for a coach like Saban he needs that thick skin. It is hard for parents to be able to let their kids take that abuse but if the kid can handle it then stay out of it. It will help him in the long run.
If it gets to the point where your kids is starting to hate the game because it or it moves over into he personal life then I would go to the coach with it first then the AD. With the coach I would make it a lite conversation, voice that you are worried that your son will stop wanting to play a sport that he loves due to the verbal.... abuse. I don't like the word abuse but I can not think of a better word at this time.

Hope this helps.

Good luck

yeah, “abuse” is the perfect word for what happened this week. I talked to a dad this morning at a breakfast who said his son saw this and isn’t sure he wants to play for that coach. My 8th grader (who was sitting with this kid right behind the bench) said the same thing to me when we got home. Several other parents either called or texted to check on my kid as they felt the same way I did, which is good to know as it supported the fact that I wasn’t just internally overreacting at what I saw.

I’m gonna give the guy a little time to see if he can coach without doing what he did Tuesday. We have a game tonight and he knows he’s being watched. I suspect he’ll be on good behavior for a bit - but I also suspect it’s only going to be temporary as the pressure increases with each win. Leopards not changing their spots and such.

I am doing some recon to find out about our AD as I’m not sure if I can trust him if it happens again. I don’t want to impact the kid’s playing time due to helicopter parenting and being viewed as overprotective, but there is a line somewhere that he needs to know isn’t acceptable to go over. I haven’t drawn that line yet and I’m hoping he doesn’t need me to.

[allend]

B1’s Line....

images.app.goo.gl/hcfCV4Rb3kkT1kxd9

[bigdaddy334]

baldy1, I hope he is able to control it as the season goes on and you do not have to get involved.


How old of a coach is he?

[baldy1]

Dec 13, 2019 14:06:58 GMT -6 bigdaddy334 said:

baldy1, I hope he is able to control it as the season goes on and you do not have to get involved.


How old of a coach is he?

Thanks man. He’s 36. Young kid. Someone in his life has told him this is the way to make his kids better. Either that or he’s just got an anger issue that he needs to fix or he’ll lose everybody!

[baldy1]

So to follow up on this “the coach absolutely blew up on my kid, multiple times ” story from weeks ago, I was at the high school gym last night as we are hosting a tourney and they needed volunteers for concessions. The high school coach walked by asked to speak with me so we went to his office. He said he heard I had been “talking about him behind his back” (which is so high school) and accused me of saying negative things in the stands, which is unacceptable for a board member. (I have CERTAINLY had lengthy conversations with two coaches who I knew would let the coach know indirectly that we were more than angry about the way he treated Baldy Jr. We decided to let Baldy Jr handle things as I know high school coaches don’t want to hear from parents. But I’ve never spouted negativity in the stands as I know there are folks in those stands that are actively wanting to cause issues for us - this was verified last night during our discussion as the coach said he had also heard “thru the grapevine” that I was thinking of resigning from our board of directors. (We were careful to only told one person that I’m resigning as I am having difficulty supporting this guy anymore - apparently that person we told aired it to one other person on our board who went directly to the coach with that info. That person who went to the coach is a fellow female board member who my wife and I aren’t friendly with - her kid has caused some problems for my younger kid - the kid used to be the superstar and is now falling behind the other kids like Baldy Jr Jr because he stopped growing, and he gets ticked off having to play second banana. So he’ll say stuff to Baldy Jr Jr who has put him in his place a few times and he’s running to tell his mommy only part of the story.

Anyway, i stopped the coach and told him, “sounds like we need to have a no-bull&@$& conversation then. Since u opened this door, I have some things to say.....”

I lit him up properly. I stayed in control and let him know he’s wrong to treat kids like he does, and my anger with him was more than justified. He just about lost my kid and we wanted “the grapevine” to communicate to the coach for us so he would know our view. He gets frustrated with games and refs and other kids making mistakes but won’t yell at certain kids while he feels obliged to light my kid up.

Bottom line: I got to say a LOT of what I wanted to say, and it was much needed. He knows my kid is gonna play a part in the future of this team (and it appears my younger kid will too) and I think he wanted to clear the air. He did apologize to me for that big outburst and said he did cross a line that night (which I needed to hear him say), and said he will aim to do better but just asked that I support him as best as I can. It showed a little bit of maturity from him to actually want to talk to me about it, so I was pleased overall. I’m confident he’ll continue to holler but I got to let him know the parents of not just the high schoolers but also the middle schoolers have been watching him and the discussions about his antics aren’t good and he holds the keys to changing that view of him. We’ll see if it continues to improve. He hasn’t lost it again like he did since that event so I’m hopeful.

[ehyou]

So you can play a banana like a musical instrument?

[allend]

So we shouldn’t have reposted your original rant on the Cherokee County Athletics comments page?

[michael]

I certainly wouldn't know anything about anyone faxing all your posts in this thread to the coach and the other board members.

[michael]

Feb 10, 2020 11:36:56 GMT -6 ehyou said:

So you can play a banana like a musical instrument?

with some minor modifications, you can get a banana to sound just like a flugelhorn

[ehyou]

Feb 10, 2020 12:26:51 GMT -6 michael said:

Feb 10, 2020 11:36:56 GMT -6 ehyou said:

So you can play a banana like a musical instrument?

with some minor modifications, you can get a banana to sound just like a flugelhorn

 Sweet! Eat your heart out Chuck Mangione!

[baldy1]

Feb 10, 2020 11:36:56 GMT -6 ehyou said:

So you can play a banana like a musical instrument?

Yessir. It sounds a lot like a kazoo - You have to drill holes in the right place. After a few days though, the banana gets too mushy, so you have to keep fresh bananas around to replace it.

[baldy1]

Feb 10, 2020 12:13:49 GMT -6 allend said:

So we shouldn’t have reposted your original rant on the Cherokee County Athletics comments page?

That probably didn’t help things. I figured it was one of you jerks!

My mother in law just told me that in last week’s game when my youngest son was coming into their game, the husband of the fellow board member mentioned previously said aloud “oh good, here comes Mr Basketball.” My younger kid isn’t a ball hog and rarely takes more than 6-7 shots in a game, so it’s an unfair characterization to act like my kid deserves that comment, and he’s not normally a braggart - they’re just mad their son is a banana/flugelhorn player on the bench. My mother in law neglected to tell me this until today. I wouldn’t have let that comment go without a retort. Amazing the sniping of “teammates”/parents. (I told my kids long ago that just because you’re on a team with someone doesn’t mean they’re your friend and that rings true today.)

[baldy1]

Feb 10, 2020 12:25:33 GMT -6 michael said:

I certainly wouldn't know anything about anyone faxing all your posts in this thread to the coach and the other board members.

I’d like to have a word with you and AllenD........ (Baldy1 takes off satin gloves and readies them to deliver a good slapping.)

[API]

Feb 10, 2020 11:04:54 GMT -6 baldy1 said:

So to follow up on this “the coach absolutely blew up on my kid, multiple times ” story from weeks ago, I was at the high school gym last night as we are hosting a tourney and they needed volunteers for concessions. The high school coach walked by asked to speak with me so we went to his office. He said he heard I had been “talking about him behind his back” (which is so high school) and accused me of saying negative things in the stands, which is unacceptable for a board member. (I have CERTAINLY had lengthy conversations with two coaches who I knew would let the coach know indirectly that we were more than angry about the way he treated Baldy Jr. We decided to let Baldy Jr handle things as I know high school coaches don’t want to hear from parents. But I’ve never spouted negativity in the stands as I know there are folks in those stands that are actively wanting to cause issues for us - this was verified last night during our discussion as the coach said he had also heard “thru the grapevine” that I was thinking of resigning from our board of directors. (We were careful to only told one person that I’m resigning as I am having difficulty supporting this guy anymore - apparently that person we told aired it to one other person on our board who went directly to the coach with that info. That person who went to the coach is a fellow female board member who my wife and I aren’t friendly with - her kid has caused some problems for my younger kid - the kid used to be the superstar and is now falling behind the other kids like Baldy Jr Jr because he stopped growing, and he gets ticked off having to play second banana. So he’ll say stuff to Baldy Jr Jr who has put him in his place a few times and he’s running to tell his mommy only part of the story.

Anyway, i stopped the coach and told him, “sounds like we need to have a no-bull&@$& conversation then. Since u opened this door, I have some things to say.....”

I lit him up properly. I stayed in control and let him know he’s wrong to treat kids like he does, and my anger with him was more than justified. He just about lost my kid and we wanted “the grapevine” to communicate to the coach for us so he would know our view. He gets frustrated with games and refs and other kids making mistakes but won’t yell at certain kids while he feels obliged to light my kid up.

Bottom line: I got to say a LOT of what I wanted to say, and it was much needed. He knows my kid is gonna play a part in the future of this team (and it appears my younger kid will too) and I think he wanted to clear the air. He did apologize to me for that big outburst and said he did cross a line that night (which I needed to hear him say), and said he will aim to do better but just asked that I support him as best as I can. It showed a little bit of maturity from him to actually want to talk to me about it, so I was pleased overall. I’m confident he’ll continue to holler but I got to let him know the parents of not just the high schoolers but also the middle schoolers have been watching him and the discussions about his antics aren’t good and he holds the keys to changing that view of him. We’ll see if it continues to improve. He hasn’t lost it again like he did since that event so I’m hopeful.

Neither of my Ks' had any athletic interest beyond Upward Soccer. For that I'm occasionally thankful.