Trophies

[Norm]

I gotta gripe. I'm ticked. I know, I know. I'm not a fan of the "show up regularly and you'll get a trophy" mentality but it's what we got these days so I deal with it. I've had F4* in every sports activity available to him since he was 3 and I don't intend to stop unless or until he tells me he doesn't want to play whatever sport. With the single exception of Upward Basketball earlier this year, his teams have always gotten a trophy at the end of the season. Upward didn't, they gave out some random gift to all members of every team system-wide. F4* wasn't devastated but he noticed it. Anyway...

So as usual, this season I'm one of his baseball team coaches. This is 6-7 y/o Coach Pitch rec-league ball. Nothing real serious yet, we're trying to teach the kids the game. Some get it, some don't. Some will likely play for at least several more years, some may not ever play again after this season. The HC sent out a team-wide text Monday talking about taking the kids to the Troy U. game this Friday, post-season party and its' cost per parent/guardian/whatever, and if you wanted a trophy the cost was $x. There are some kids on this team whose responsible parent type likely may not be able to pay all that so I and at least 2 other dads I saw overpaid. If there's extra $ at the end, so be it. One dad in particular (a man of the cloth) replied back to the text "...he's 7 years old now, it's time for him to man up. He doesn't need a trophy." I and the other coaches are right pissed at him. His son is our catcher. If I'm not mistaken, he's never played organized sports prior to our experience with him. He's learned tremendously in his short time with us and shows noticeable improvement in virtually every game. He tries hard and is very eager to learn and please. He's a great kid. This kid had his best game ever last night, 3-3 with a triple, consistent behind the plate with two good Defensive plays in particular but his dad missed it. When his dad comes to the games (he's missed more than he's made) he stands behind the backstop and is quite vocal to his son but rarely encouraging. I just can't imagine the heartbreak for this kid when at the end of season party trophies are handed out to everyone but him. As coaches, we don't give a damn what his dad may feel about it, his son is getting a trophy. What happens to it during the ride home is out of our control.

That dad's a JERK I say. I hope his son continues to play sports and I know without a doubt that as long as our HC and I are working together on these efforts over the years, we'll do what we can to get this kid on our teams.

There. I'm done.

[baldy1]

May 8, 2013 9:18:58 GMT -6 Norm said:

I gotta gripe. I'm ticked. I know, I know. I'm not a fan of the "show up regularly and you'll get a trophy" mentality but it's what we got these days so I deal with it. I've had F4* in every sports activity available to him since he was 3 and I don't intend to stop unless or until he tells me he doesn't want to play whatever sport. With the single exception of Upward Basketball earlier this year, his teams have always gotten a trophy at the end of the season. Upward didn't, they gave out some random gift to all members of every team system-wide. F4* wasn't devastated but he noticed it. Anyway...

So as usual, this season I'm one of his baseball team coaches. This is 6-7 y/o Coach Pitch rec-league ball. Nothing real serious yet, we're trying to teach the kids the game. Some get it, some don't. Some will likely play for at least several more years, some may not ever play again after this season. The HC sent out a team-wide text Monday talking about taking the kids to the Troy U. game this Friday, post-season party and its' cost per parent/guardian/whatever, and if you wanted a trophy the cost was $x. There are some kids on this team whose responsible parent type likely may not be able to pay all that so I and at least 2 other dads I saw overpaid. If there's extra $ at the end, so be it. One dad in particular (a man of the cloth) replied back to the text "...he's 7 years old now, it's time for him to man up. He doesn't need a trophy." I and the other coaches are right pissed at him. His son is our catcher. If I'm not mistaken, he's never played organized sports prior to our experience with him. He's learned tremendously in his short time with us and shows noticeable improvement in virtually every game. He tries hard and is very eager to learn and please. He's a great kid. This kid had his best game ever last night, 3-3 with a triple, consistent behind the plate with two good Defensive plays in particular but his dad missed it. When his dad comes to the games (he's missed more than he's made) he stands behind the backstop and is quite vocal to his son but rarely encouraging. I just can't imagine the heartbreak for this kid when at the end of season party trophies are handed out to everyone but him. As coaches, we don't give a damn what his dad may feel about it, his son is getting a trophy. What happens to it during the ride home is out of our control.

That dad's a JERK I say. I hope his son continues to play sports and I know without a doubt that as long as our HC and I are working together on these efforts over the years, we'll do what we can to get this kid on our teams.

There. I'm done.

perhaps you should take this guy behind the woodshed and slap him around a bit.

We had a dad like that. Unfortunately he tried to coach his kid from the stands and was tellin his kid what to do, which was wrong. I told him if he wanted to coach, to volunteer before the season, otherwise shut up because he was confusing his kid. He piped down after that.

It's a shame he's too much of a cheapa$$ to pony up for his kid. I agree, the everybody gets a trophy thing is overdone, but sounds like the kid deserves it. I think the mistake is givin parents an out. You just say, "we're doing trophies. The kids earned it and here's your cost." More times than not, they'll pony up.

Here's a thought. Hand out all he trophies but keep the kid's in your bag momentarily. When the kid asked "where's mine?"

You say, "Well son, your dads a cheap arse and didn't buy you one, but us coaches thought you did great this year, and wanted to let you know, so we got you a trophy to be proud of." Then you pull it out of your bag, while staring at the dad, menacingly. Maybe that few minutes of his dad seeing the other kids running around win trophies and his kid's face, thinking he got left out, will make an impact. Likely not, but I say embarrass the guy.

[mrtommyd]

He's 7 and he needs to man up? I'm confused, 2nd graders are men? I thought at that age the big battle was keeping them "involved" with the actual game. You're right about the dad, and I think it's a shame that he can't just enjoy watching his son play a game. Which is what it is for 6/7 year old kids.

[ehyou]

Whatever trophies might have represented in decades past, nowadays at this age they represent participation. There's nothing wrong with that. It's more a reminder of the team they played for than anything else. As you progress and playoffs enter the picture then a trophy means something else, winning.

This isn't going to teach the kid anything except that his dad is mean.

[Deleted]

Of course I think trophies are over done ..we all know that. BUT ....If all the other kids are getting a trophy for showing up, then this kid should also ...regardless of how he played. If the ones that can afford so want trophies, then for the kids sake ...pay for the ones that can't afford it.

I coached and reffed Upwards Basketball at our church for 6 years ...and my kid was already too old to play. I have great respect for that program. No need to keep score ...the kids secretly do so anyway.

That dad probably didn't play much sports and is probably one of those poor fans that knows it all. He would fit right in at BSPN.

Yelling "instructions" during a game works badly for several reasons. Parents should find the time to work with their kid away from the coach and then every once in a while try to watch practice so that they can supplement what the coaches are trying to do.


Badly1 ..I can see why those Acworthians wanted to kick your butt.

[Deleted]

May 8, 2013 11:08:20 GMT -6 ehyou said:

Whatever trophies might have represented in decades past, nowadays at this age they represent participation. There's nothing wrong with that. It's more a reminder of the team they played for than anything else. As you progress and playoffs enter the picture then a trophy means something else, winning.

This isn't going to teach the kid anything except that his dad is mean.

I sure am seeing a lot of kids that grew up getting trophies and coddled ......having way more self esteem and fortitude/consistency issues than I can remember before this silly child psychology theory got implemented. They flunk outta college in droves. Those mean old professors won't give them a trophy for attending class.

[ehyou]

May 8, 2013 11:40:32 GMT -6 hoopie said:

I sure am seeing a lot of kids that grew up getting trophies and coddled ......having way more self esteem and fortitude/consistency issues than I can remember before this silly child psychology theory got implemented. They flunk outta college in droves. Those mean old professors won't give them a trophy for attending class.

I just don't see a 7 year old getting a memento of the team they played for causing deep rooted psychological problems. I can see where coddling could cause issues, but that's on the parent and doesn't have anything to do with a statuette.

[baldy1]

May 8, 2013 11:35:13 GMT -6 hoopie said:

Of course I think trophies are over done ..we all know that. BUT ....If all the other kids are getting a trophy for showing up, then this kid should also ...regardless of how he played. If the ones that can afford so want trophies, then for the kids sake ...pay for the ones that can't afford it.

I coached and reffed Upwards Basketball at our church for 6 years ...and my kid was already too old to play. I have great respect for that program. No need to keep score ...the kids secretly do so anyway.

That dad probably didn't play much sports and is probably one of those poor fans that knows it all. He would fit right in at BSPN.

Yelling "instructions" during a game works badly for several reasons. Parents should find the time to work with their kid away from the coach and then every once in a while try to watch practice so that they can supplement what the coaches are trying to do.


Badly1 ..I can see why those Acworthians wanted to kick your butt.

Why? acworth folks don't have me on their Christmas card list because they started causing problems and when I called them out for it, they didn't like it. I ne'er did nothin to 'em except tell them they're a buncha classless jerks.

My kids love trophies and they got more than we got room for. At some point, they won't care if they get trophies, but for now, kids that age love getting them. THAT dude needs to be smacked with a dead fish a few times. And if he keeps coaching from the stands, tell him to pipe down. It ain't fair for mr backseat driver to come in and try to be the hero at the 11th hour.

[Jet]

The trophies aren't the real problem. They've come to be the symbol of the problem.

The reality: It's the toys. It's the $40,000 car for the 16 year old. And the cell phones for the 10 year old. And it's the video game for the 6 and you file them away until they are 18.

Ehyou, who is awesome, is correct.

[baldy1]

May 8, 2013 11:35:13 GMT -6 hoopie said:

Of course I think trophies are over done ..we all know that. BUT ....If all the other kids are getting a trophy for showing up, then this kid should also ...regardless of how he played. If the ones that can afford so want trophies, then for the kids sake ...pay for the ones that can't afford it.

I coached and reffed Upwards Basketball at our church for 6 years ...and my kid was already too old to play. I have great respect for that program. No need to keep score ...the kids secretly do so anyway.

That dad probably didn't play much sports and is probably one of those poor fans that knows it all. He would fit right in at BSPN.

Yelling "instructions" during a game works badly for several reasons. Parents should find the time to work with their kid away from the coach and then every once in a while try to watch practice so that they can supplement what the coaches are trying to do.


Badly1 ..I can see why those Acworthians wanted to kick your butt.

Why? acworth folks don't have me on their Christmas card list because they started causing problems and when I called them out for it, they didn't like it. I ne'er did nothin to 'em except tell them they're a buncha classless jerks.

My kids love trophies and they got more than we got room for. At some point, they won't care if they get trophies, but for now, kids that age love getting them. THAT dude needs to be smacked with a dead fish a few times. And if he keeps coaching from the stands, tell him to pipe down. It ain't fair for mr backseat driver to come in and try to be the hero at the 11th hour.

[ehyou]

May 8, 2013 12:50:58 GMT -6 Jet said:

Ehyou, who is awesome, is correct.

You trying to give me a complex? Now I'm destined for failure and disappointment.

[Norm]

May 8, 2013 13:17:03 GMT -6 ehyou said:

May 8, 2013 12:50:58 GMT -6 Jet said:

Ehyou, who is awesome, is correct.

You trying to give me a complex? Now I'm destined for failure and disappointment.

But you'll be awesome in your failure and disappointment thereby making you trophy worthy.

[michael]

So let me get this straight:

1) You phrased the statement, "IF you would like a trophy, the cost is xx"
2) The child hasn't been involved in organized sports, meaning the father doesn't have experience with team parties and trophies and how everyone always gets a trophy
3) The father is a "man of the cloth", meaning he probably makes less money than every parent on the team and is pinching pennies
4) The man is more concerned with his son being strong than getting recognized by a bunch of schmucks like Norm

I know who I think the hero is in this story. Buncha softies.

[michael]

Already posted this in another thread, but it is relevant:

[Norm]

May 8, 2013 14:03:51 GMT -6 michael said:

So let me get this straight:

1) You phrased the statement, "IF you would like a trophy, the cost is xx"
2) The child hasn't been involved in organized sports, meaning the father doesn't have experience with team parties and trophies and how everyone always gets a trophy
3) The father is a "man of the cloth", meaning he probably makes less money than every parent on the team and is pinching pennies
4) The man is more concerned with his son being strong than getting recognized by a bunch of schmucks like Norm

I know who I think the hero is in this story. Buncha softies.

1) Well, I didn't actually type and send the text, but yes it was phrased with "if".
2) I could be wrong from the child's perspective but I doubt it. The father claims to have had many years playing sports, baseball in particular as a catcher.
3) I 100% guarantee you that there are other team parents bringing home less $ monthly. No question about it.
4) My feelings towards him and his treatment towards his son were formed negatively well before his text reply. That just pushed him way off the edge.